I penned this letter as a goodbye, the turning of the tides and the changing of the guards.
The words I wrote eloquently arrived at the tip of my pen at the same time as my mind constructed them;
‘Let’s just go with brave honesty, and I feel like if the main reason I’ve sent this is that I’d probably never hear from you again and you’ve already decided that for you it’s easier to ignore me as I know that you prefer just to get on with things rather then try to work out/compromise etc and you know that I just need to say well everything, this isn’t me trying to fight for you or win you back btw, our relationship ended that Saturday in the most perfect way, this is just me having the conversation with you that I know you would never agree too because it’s either too hard or it’s easier to just cut me out.
The person you are now wasn’t the person that I fell in love with, you’ve changed and that’s not a bad thing for you because you want to grow into the person you want to be but it was for us, but ultimately everything that has happened has been for the correct reasons not just for you but for me too, you are still this amazing and beautiful person but just not the version that stole my heart and my breath away when we first got together.
Having reflected upon everything I started seeing things that maybe I hadn’t noticed before or at least didn’t acknowledge;
we lost the intimacy of the everyday when you moved awayand I think that would have been the only way we would have stayed together, don’t get me wrong it would have been amazing but we both would have wondered if it ever was enough, the corruption of the outside festered into our dreams till our memories were all that remained.
I think this just comes down to the fact that at the end you was my best friend more than anything, and I was always more then happy with that but when you left and I the time that followed I felt these other feelings for the first time as I think you did aswell, we built our own little world together but we did so without having to extend any effort, it happened and while it did it was beautiful, but it wasn’t authentic, we both needed each other at that point in life and it filled the voids we both felt, you moved pass this quicker then me and rather then let the feelings absorb me and try and reason with them I put everything into trying to make this work because I was so scared of the alternative, Us worked because we left behind you and me and that’s not how it should be, maybe for some people but our lights deserve to shine brighter then that for both of us.
You will always be one of my best friends and I will truly love and cherish you forever,
I’ll always be interested in your victories in life and your life in general and I’m blessed that I was able to play a role in helping you discover who you are and what you want in life, and I’ll always have time for you no matter what it is.
I confused myself getting to this conclusion but I don’t regret a single second I had with you, you changed my life for the better, you made me aware for the first time what it is I want from life not what I think I should have, part of this led me to know that both of us deserve better relationships, but I couldn’t have had a better friendship and don’t think I ever will.
There is a version of both of us that are perfect for each-other and I’m glad we got to experience that, you’ve set the bar extremely high on so many levels for the next person I allow into my life and I do hope you remain in my life in some capacity and that I make you as proud of me as I am of you and what you’ve done for yourself.
It pains me more then you will ever know to let you go, just keep on doing what you are doing and don’t ever let anyone make you feel like your not the most amazing person that ever walked the earth, the highest form of love is wanting to see the person you had to say goodbye too to keep reaching for the stars, and living life with a smile and becoming the woman you always knew she would be,
For every success story know that I’m cheering you on, any time you are down know that wherever I am I’ll pick you up, any time someone wrongs you know that I’ll hate them alongside you, and know that whoever you fall in love with I’ll never be jealous as long as you are happy, you will always be one of my soul mates and I will always as I’ve always been be one of your biggest fans,’
untill next time…..